MARRIAGE
THROUGH HEBREW EYES
BY
LARRY FASEL
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds
a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.
(NKJV)
Proverbs 19:14
14 House and riches are an
inheritance from fathers: But a prudent wife is from the LORD.
(NKJV)
A student once asked his Rabbi, ‘What
has the Holy One been doing since he created the world?’ His teacher
answered, he has been the supreme matchmaker in bringing men and women
together, for the making of a successful match is as hard as the parting of
the Red Sea.
In the beginning, the Lord pronounced
everything good that he had made and that included man and woman in the
joining of marriage, hence it is written, " What God has joined together
let no man separate."
The poetry, word imagery, and symbolism on
marriage is woven throughout the scriptures. From the first union of Adam to
Eve to the union of Yeshua and His bride.
Marriage was so important in biblical days
that if a wedding and funeral procession met at an intersection
simultaneously, the wedding party was to proceed first. In view of the
biblical importance of marriage, is it no wonder that there is no word in
biblical Hebrew for BACHELOR.
It was taught that a man must seek after a
woman as man was formed from the ground – woman from man’s rib; therefore
in trying to find a wife, man only looks after what he has lost.
It was also a common expression to ask a newly –married husband: "MAZA
OR MOZE?"- "Findeth or found;" The first
expression occurring in Proverbs 18:22, the second in Ecclesiastes 7:26.
For men and women living in Bible times
and also living in an Eastern society, their perspective on love and marriage
was quite a bit different than ours of today. To start with, love was more of
a commitment than one of feeling. It was a pledge to make a relationship work.
For centuries, Jewish people have pointed to one particular verse to
illustrate the need for love to develop AFTER marriage.
Genesis 24:67
And Isaac brought her into
his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he
loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
(KJV).
In a world of arranged marriages, it was
not uncommon for each partner to see each other for the first time on their
wedding night. Notice first, she became his wife and then he loved her. This
passage has always been used to show that love came after marriage. In the
ancient near east in Biblical days, couples were expected to grow to love each
other after marriage. In our modern world of the west, its far different. Here
the emphasis is on LOVING FIRST the one you marry, rather than
learning to love the one you marry. An Eastern man said to a European, "We
put cold soup on the fire, and it slowly becomes warm. You put hot soup into a
cold plate, and it becomes slowly cold."
In the essence of marriage – the
content, the bond, and the relationship which results – is called a covenant
(BRIT). Look at the imagery in:
Ezekiel 16:8
8 “When I passed by you
again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread
my wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you, and
entered into a covenant with you, and you became mine, says the Lord GOD.
(NKJV)
The Scriptures liken God to a bridegroom
and the Hebrew people to his bride. For centuries the Rabbis have used “Song
of Songs” as an allegory to illustrate the love relationship between God and
Israel.
THE KETUBAH
marriage contract is a document detailing the obligations and terms of the
union. It is to be read to the bride before she is asked to make her final
decision and commitment to the bridegroom. This is biblically depicted when
God on Sinai said to Israel:
Exodus 19:5
5 Now therefore, if you will
indeed obey my voice, and keep my covenant, then you shall be a special
treasure to me above all people: for all the earth is mine:
(NKJV)
Scriptures continue with Moses going back
and summoning all the elders and setting before them all the Words of the
Lord. The people all responded together, "We
will do all that the Lord has said". Just as the Ketubah
stipulated all that was to be expected in the marriage, so too the divine
stipulations that were binding at Sinai were the conditions of the covenant
between God and Israel. It was also their acknowledgement of taking the “Yoke
of the kingdom of God” as his chosen people in the earth.
THE HUPPAH (Marriage
Canopy) has a rich imagery and is the traditional way in the Jewish marriage.
The bridegroom comes and waits under the canopy for the bride. The Rabbis have
taught the parallel of this action in the scripture:
Deut 33:2
2 And he said, The LORD came
from Sinai, and dawned on them from Seir; he shone
forth from Mount Paran, and he came with ten thousands of saints; From
his right hand came a fiery law for them.
For He is the God who comes, just as Yeshua will come for His bride.
In the ancient world the wedding
procession was a great event. People usually accompanied it by carrying
torches or candles. This practice has been well attested to from as early as
the fourteenth century B.C. In Canaan and later in ancient Greek and Roman
weddings. In the Jewish culture it has long been the practice for the bride
and groom to make their way to the wedding canopy accompanied by attendants
carrying candles. In his teaching of the ten virgins, Yeshua describes the
Kingdom of Heaven as a wedding in which the use of lamps (or torches on long
poles with oil drenched rags at the end) went out to meet the bridegroom.
Again, the Rabbis point to Exodus 20:18. The Hebrew term for lightning (LAPPIDIM)
is the same word for torches. Yeshua might have had this in mind in the
imagery he used for the bridegroom coming for his bride in:
Matthew 24:27
27 For as the lightning comes
from the east, and flashes to the west; so also will the coming of the Son of
man be.
The first step in the marriage ceremony
which contractually sets the couple apart in Betrothal is known as the KIDDUSHIN
(or QIDDUSHIN), the act of "Sanctification" or
"Consecration". The meaning of kiddushin is to, "Be set
apart", "Be holy". >From the Hebrew perspective, marriage is
a sacred bond, “A holy relationship". It is an act of being set apart
unto God and each other. This
concept is central to the covenant at Sinai. Before the Torah was given the
Lord said:
Exodus19:10
10 Then the LORD said unto
Moses, Go to the people, and consecrate them today and tomorrow, and let them
wash their clothes.
(NKJV)
In this, God was preparing his people for
the marriage contract to be a people set apart unto him, holy.
The preparation time before the
marriage is very important as it is a serious commitment. It must not be
rushed into as a “spur of the moment, serendipitous event". A betrothal
period of time was set aside, usually a year for preparation. Only later was
the relationship consummated. Scriptures teach that the
EDAH is the Messiah’s bride (Eph 5:25-32). She is now making
herself ready for her wedding day. This event is described in:
Rev 19:7
7 Let us be glad and rejoice,
and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has
made herself ready.
(KJV)
The custom of taking a wife in Yeshua’s
day was full of beauty and symbolism. If a young man was interested in a
woman, he would approach the father of his hopeful bride and express his
intentions to him. Sometimes the couple already knew each other, but it must
be done in proper order. The father would arrange a meeting in his home
between the young man and his daughter, at which time a cup of wine was set
before her. This was called “The Cup of Acceptance". If she agreed to
become his wife, she would drink from the cup, if not she would push the cup
to the side. Once she drank from the cup, the marriage contract was drawn up.
From that time forth she was off limits and set apart as being betrothed. This
was the case with Mary and Joseph.
The young man would arise and go to his
father’s house to tell him the news of his betrothal. This was the time of
preparation. Under the father’s guidance, the young man would begin the
building of his home for his future bride. Often times it was an addition to
the father’s house, or if they were wealthy and had land, the father would
give him a portion to build on. Yeshua used this imagery when He said in:
John 14:2-3
2 In my Father's house are
many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a
place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a
place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I
am, there ye may be also.
(KJV)
When all was finished and every detail for
the up and coming ceremony complete, the father would then go to the son and
tell him, "It’s time to go and bring your bride home". Only the
father knew when all was ready. Hence Yeshua’s words in:
Matthew 24:36
36 But of that day and hour
knows no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
In a Jewish wedding ceremony, the bride
and groom twice share a cup of wine. This is a very symbolic act on the part
of the couple. It is a reminder that two lives have become one in a new way.
Drinking from the same cup cements this new alliance. Yeshua used this same
illustration when he asked James and John in:
Matthew 20:22
22 But Jesus answered and
said, You know not what you ask. Are you able to drink of the cup that I shall
drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They
say unto him, “We are able”.
(KJV)
In this way Yeshua was probing to see if
his disciples were preparing to share his destiny, to experience his lot. They
said, "We can". Their sharing the
common cup in the upper room was a further affirmation of this fact. Yeshua
set his face toward Calvary to die for the sins of the world, thus the
disciples were choosing a road that would eventually lead to their deaths.
Like the cup above, there are two cups of
wine shared by the couple in the Jewish marriage ceremony. Tkhe first is
called, "THE CUP OF JOY". It is a reminder that the
joys of life when shared are doubled. The second is “THE CUP OF
SACRIFICE". In the midst of their celebration they are brought to
the sobering fact that problems and burdens will come in this life, but if
they are shared, they will be halved.
The age in which we live is one of
shattered promises and broken relationships. An age sick with sentimentality
that has lost the sight of the vow, “til death do us part,” The word “love”
has taken on another meaning and is defined with all kinds of terms except
commitment. It is here that we must return to Sinai and be reminded through
Hebrew eyes that marriage is just as serious and binding as the great event
and covenant ceremony on the day of revelation.
Resource Books:
OUR
FATHER ABRAHAM, BY MARVIN R. WILSON.(JEWISH ROOTS OF THE CHRISTIAN FAITH).
ERDMANS PUBLISHING CO- CENTER FOR JUDAIC- CHRISTIAN STUDIES.
SONCINO
TALMUD: ABRAHAM COHEN.
SKETCHES
OF JEWISH SOCIAL LIFE IN THE DAYS OF CHRIST: ALFRED EDERSHEIM